We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
