Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
