I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
