hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
