I love black thongs
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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