I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
