i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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