Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
