I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you mean i was at the winter classic?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
