i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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