I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is wine microwaveable?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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