I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He did a backflip because drugs
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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