His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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