So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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