you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
