If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
