Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
