I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
