she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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