is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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