First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
