dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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