The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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