I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
