My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
