he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
so much tequila, so little girl.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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