Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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