you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
