3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
