thus making me awesome and them whores
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
