Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
