Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
