when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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