Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize