hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
