Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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