apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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