I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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