shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
