In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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