Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
