Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
