I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
