I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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