Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
