is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize