I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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