His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
