I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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