Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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