he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
