You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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