I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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