i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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