Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
