hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
