He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
