I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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