The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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