Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
