I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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