Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Houston, we have a blender
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
