I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
