he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
