Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
