you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
