High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
