Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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