I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
