My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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