Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
