Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
