yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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