my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize