Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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