As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
