You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
