Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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