Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
