it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize