dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
