3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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